Don’t Date a Boy Who Travels

Everyone seems to be doing it a lot lately.  Making all these lists about why you should or shouldn’t date a dude/girl who travels or who doesn’t travel.  I believe the popularity comes from the fact that a lot of people don’t travel in general, so they like to read the writings of those who do travel to live vicariously through that other person.  I mean, shoot,  I would.  Isn’t that why you’re here?

To that effect, I hope you enjoy my message to you so that you don’t date a boy who travels.

Don’t date a boy who travels, because he’s only a boy.  What the hell are you trying to date a boy for?  that’s frigging weird.  Don’t you want a man instead?  Is that even lega…

Okay, sorry.  That got off wrong.  Let me try again, so that you don’t date a boy who travels

Don’t date a boy who travels, because he’s not someone you’ll want to bring home to mom and dad.  He picks his nose more often than not, and has the bank balance of negative money.  He smiles a lot, because you know he’s happy, and then you start seeing the cavity and plague in his teeth, because the last time he saw the dentist was back in elementary school.

Don’t date a boy who travels, because he can’t handle your high maintenance life.  Even McDonalds is too rich for his blood.  What, you want extra cheese on that burger?  Sorry.  For the price of that cheese, he could have negotiated breakfast, lunch, and dinner in Vietnam.

Don’t date a boy who travels, because he’s an unbreakable will.  He won’t compromise.  You think he’d let you win on something when he himself had stared down a vendor in India to save himself 1 US dollars?  Hard iron discipline is his game, and you’re just another wave that’s crashing upon them walls.

Don’t date a boy who travels, because he won’t pay for your meals.  Eff that.  He can barely pay for his own meals.  The most chivalrous thing you can expect from him is that he’ll give you an umbrella when it’s raining. And not because he doesn’t want you to get wet (oh baby girl he w…sorry…), but more because walking in the rain is fun.  And it saves money on washing his clothing.

Don’t date a boy who travels, because to be honest, you’re most likely boring him.  He doesn’t want to hear about your friends, dreams, aspirations, emotions, whatever.  He’s got bigger fishes to fry.  No, literally, don’t try to talk to him when he’s trying to fry his fish (Fish & Shellfish: The Cook’s Indispensable Companion)  That’s his week’s meal allowance right there.  He’s not trying to be an ass.  He is an ass.

Don’t date a boy who travels, because he sees you as an anchor.  Make any notion, motion, revolution, that can in anyway be construe as an anchor, and he will cut you off faster than you can sneeze.  On second thought, he’d probably cut you off anyway, so you might as well just enjoy the ride (heh..heh..heh..this mind is getting dirtier than a warthog at a watering hole)

Don't date a boy who travels

He’s too busy enjoying the sunset

Don’t date a boy who travels, because in reality,actuality, and functionality, he’s not someone you want.  He farts a lot.  Eaten more than his fair shares of things that should not be eaten.  His hygiene is bad and he has no manner.  He won’t impress anyone, nor will most people impress him and he’s also a cheap bastard.  He’s just a boat that’s in a state of wanderlust.  Meandering the oceans, the skies (there’s more than one?  What?), the seas, the rivers, the mountains, the plains, the forests, the flea-infested markets.  You can either latch on, and hope he’ll pull you up when he thinks you’re worth his effort, or you can just forget about it and find a nice, safe, handsome young stud to bring home to mommy and daddy.  Because while you’re enjoying your nice sunday wedding, he’ll be off break dancing in the streets of Rome trying to pay for his train fare.

 

 
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