Greetings SOWers. I recently had the pleasure of surveying all the billionaires in the world about what traits they possess that enabled them to be so successful. A lot of them took great care to tell me that they got rich through completely justifiable means; like killing the competition, under paying their workers, and just being downright greedy cheapskates. They did this while snuffling their Cuban cigars and Viagra. It was disconcerting. Anyways, what was interesting was that after the survey, I deduced that every billionaire shares these two traits. These two traits are breathing oxygen and drinking water!
Now, if you think about it, it makes sense. Oxygen is just so damn good for you. Inhale. Exhale. See how inhaling just feels so much better than exhaling? That’s because you’re inhaling oxygen! It’s like the sun and we’re superman. Now, that exhaling crap? That’s like our kryptonite. What’s even better is that we get so much of it in our world. It’s like free money folks! So, if you want to be a billionaire like Bill Clinton or Carlos Santana, go out there and smother yourself in that oxygen. Don’t even exhale. Just keep inhaling. The more oxygen you get, the fatter you become rich! I am kicking myself for not thinking of this idea earlier. Truly, these billionaires are the sages of our age.
Besides breathing oxygen, I also found that these billionaires all share the same habit of drinking water. Lots of it. Now, I don’t know about you, but I don’t trust water. See, water has another name called H2O, which means there are 2 hydrogen for every 1 oxygen. The oxygen is cool right? I extolled about it above. It’d be hypocritical of me to hate on it now. However, the hydrogen. There are 2 of them. You know where hydrogen comes from? The hydrogen bomb. That’s right. And these bombs are not so eezy peezy. So whenever you drink water, it’s like two hydrogen bombs exploding in your mouth. From my previous survey of porn stars, I don’t think that sounds pleasant. However, after many hours of phone calls to the billionaire’s paid scientists who run these
skewed scientific experiments, they were finally able to convince me that the awesomeness of oxygen can stabilize the hydrogen from being too haughty. So, do not fear. Drinking water won’t cause a liquid explosion on your face. It will, however, help you become a billionaire.
So, there you have it poor people. The reason why you’re not rich like these billionaires is because you’re not breathing enough oxygen and not drinking enough water. All of the world’s billionaires do it. I’m drinking my water and breathing my oxygen right now. I can already FEEL the money coursing through my veins. Hope this helps you. If you do happen to become a billionaire, feel free to send a check my way. Or credit card. Or a yacht. Okay. Maybe just a bushel of apples.
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