Things Guys Go Through That Girls Don’t

Hey look at that, I did click baiting! I wonder if it works or not.  Well, if you’re reading this, I’m pretty sure it worked.  Anyway, I got the idea for this post when some guy friends and I were talking about things guys go through that girls don’t.  Of course, the same can be said likewise, but unfortunately, I’m not a girl, so I wouldn’t know.  However, in a future post, I’ll make a post on things girls go through with that I will TRY to understand.  So without further adieu, I give to you the list of things guys have to deal with that girls don’t.

Things guys go through that girls don't...morning garden hose

Things guys go through that girls don’t…morning garden hose

1) Things guys go through that girls don’ttrying to pee with a morning wood.  Don’t understand what that means? Imagine a garden hose.  Now put your finger in the middle of that hose.  Then turn on the water.  Yeah, that’s pretty much what the water coming from our penis would look like when we got the morning wood.  After a certain age, pretty much every guy has stopped trying.  It just doesn’t work.  Instead, you just sit back, let the thing do its work, and pray to Zeus that you can hit 2 out of the 3 waterfalls.  An alternative to this would be to sit down, however..you’ll be faced with issue #2…

2)Things guys go through that girls don’ttrying to pee sitting down while having a boner.  You see, as a guy, if we have a boner, the frozen anaconda will not fit into the area between our crotch and the toilet rim.  What does that mean?  We gotta take our hand, and pushed down our stiff mongoose into the toilet bowl in order to pee.  That’s fine and all..however, when you pee, it tends to cause the rising dragon to rise upward, which in turns sometimes causes the water to miss the bowl, and go for the tiny little crevice between the toilet seat and the rim. The result?  A wet bathroom floor and most likely dripping legs…yeah…oh wait, speaking of boners…

Candice Swanepoel

Candice Swanepoel

3) Things guys go through that girls don’tbeing at the gym/beach/anywhere where you’re wearing loose shorts and then getting a boner for whatever reason.  So now you’re in public.  And you

got a loose python trying to fight its way free.  What happens? You get a nice little boner clump beneath your shorts.  Yeah…that’s not fun.  Especially when you’re trying to talk to a girl you like.  So what’s a man gotta do in a time like this?  Reach down, grab the monkey, and pull it upward so that the top is now pressed between the shorts’ rubber band waiste thingamajig and your waist.  Boom.  Lump gone and you can go back trying to impress the girl next to you with your 20 pound squat.  Btw ladies, if you’re feeling little pedro trying to bump against your ass when the guy is dancing with you, know that the guy is actually NOT enjoying it.  Who enjoys getting their manhood pressed between two large mass of flesh?  So yes, it is as uncomfortable for us as it is awkward for you. The above tip works pretty well, unless you’re dancing a little too hard.  Then there might be some rippage.  Damn.

 

4) Things guys go through that girls don’tapproaching girls. Yes, I know, there are some girls who do approach guys.  But, to what I’ve seen, they’re rare.  Every guy had been there.  That awkward approach.  Trying to remember pick up lines that your friends told you.  Then realizing how sad said pickup lines are.  By then, you’re already next to her, and your heart is beating at the pace of a hummingbird’s flapping wings. And most likely, you’re gonna get rejected.  Stay your fear gentlemen.  The rejection gets easier with each passing ladies.  Just keep throwing those pies.

5) Things guys go through that girls don’tdoing proposals.  I ain’t married.  To be honest, I still don’t know how you gentlemen are able to do it.  Marriage just scares the bejeebus out of me.

6) Things guys go through that girls don’tfarting in a car full of friends.  Girls don’t fart.  And if they do, it smells like rainbows.  Guys on the other hands, ours smell like a skunk that just mated with that one flower that smells like a skunk. I think it was called floskuner.  That awkward moment when the car goes silent, and everyone can smell the fart, but no one wants to say anything because he who smells it first dealt it first.  And so, you slowly have to shift in your seat, and move your mouth to your shirt’s neck line…and pray to mercy that your mouth has no smell buds.

I can’t think of anymore.  What do you guys think?  Did I miss anything else?  Any things that guys have to deal with that girls don’t?  Speak it in the comment section below.  And don’t forget to subscribe to the blog!

 
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One thought on “Things Guys Go Through That Girls Don’t

  1. Pingback: Things Girls Go Through That Guys Don't - State of Wanderlust

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