Why I Do Not Believe In Marriages Anymore

Why I do not believe in marriage

Beach wedding


So, I know this entry isn’t about traveling or anything, but I thought I’d put this down into writing before I forget what I am thinking.  Actually, I believe my current thinking is the actual result from my traveling.  Let me explain why I do not believe in marriages anymore

As the years passed by, I’ve noticed a lot of my friends getting engaged thanks to facebook.  Some of those are on their ways to weddings and marriages.  Before my travels started (circa 2011), I used to be a part of the group that believed that marriage was an inevitable part of life. You meet someone. You like then.  You learn to love them.  Then you propose. Get married. Get a kid or so in a few years.  Get a house.  Get a mortgage.  Raise said kid.  Maybe have another kid or so.  Retire.  Watch your kids give you grandkids.  Grow old.  Die.

Of course, even back then, I didn’t want to get marry young (thanks to an earlier breakup from an ex-gf during college that made me realize relationship is worthless), but I knew that I would want to get marry one day in the future.

And then, my state of wanderlust set in.  In the last three years, my time abroad has allowed me to reexamine this mysterious force that people like to call marriage, and why some people like to rush into it, whereas others have similar thinking to me. I’ve had friends who’ve dated their boyfriends/girlfriends for over 5+ years, and neither feel the need to get marry, if not, or ever.  Whereas others got married after less than a year.

So, why don’t I believe in it anymore?  The idea of marriage is romantic on paper, but in reality, it is not.  It’s supposed to be a commitment.  A commitment to deal with on another through thick and thin, and that nothing can ever separate the two except death.  Now, that’s sweet and all, but considering the divorce rate in advance economies tend to be over 50%, it’s not pretty. (http://www.businessinsider.com/map-divorce-rates-around-the-world-2014-5).  Hell, look at Spain and Portugal. It’s over 70% of marriages end in divorce.  So let’s throw that whole I’m gonna commit to you for life out of the window.  For the majority of people, they do not.

Why do people divorce?  I think there’s of course a variety of reasons.  But, can you bet that for a lot of them, it’s because they got married before they were ready?  I think so.  I mean, let’s look at marriage happens.  Marriage happens with a proposal.  So imagine this.

The guy takes the girl somewhere romantic.  Then he starts this little speech about how much he loves her.  Then brings out her friends and family.  He gets down on one knee.  And then proposes.  What goes through the girls mind right now?  Well, regardless of what she’s thinking, you can bet that she has a lot of different hormones running through her body.  Hormones that might cloud her judgement.  And then, maybe she doesn’t want to embarrass him by saying no.  Of course, I’m not saying every girl always says yes.  But I can imagine how many of them says yes not because they’re thinking with a rational mind, but that they got caught up in the moment, and then afterward, they don’t want to say anything and decided to say I can see myself marrying this man.  Not to say all girls are like this, but I’m sure there are some that might think this way.

Of course, you have divorces that happens because one of the spouse cheat, domestic violence, etc etc.  Basically, marriages put oneself in a position where it is difficult to leave the other person.  Whereas if you’re just going out, a simple breakup would do.

Thus, the modern relationship really has no more need for marriage.  You can go out with someone. You can get an apartment together.  Hell, you can start a family together.   None of this requires a marriage.  Of course, with marriage, you can get have visitation rights, the ability to act on your spouse behalf, and tax filing benefits.  To me, I don’t see any of that as a benefit.  I make too much to file tax jointly.  Visitation rights can always be requested without marriage.  The only thing I see that marriage would help on is if I want to get citizenship to a country because  I want to live there with her (if she’s not American).

oh yeah, let’s not forget the insane amount of money some people spend for a wedding.  $20k really? all for a day?  20k can afford two people almost 4-5 monts worth of traveling.  And I’m sure that’ll be more memorable than feeling exhausted.

Thus, in conclusion, I think marriage is useless for me.  Then again, I don’t have high expectations for relationships either.  Everyone breaks up.  Eventually.  Death will ensure that.  So good luck to everyone out there getting married.  But it’s something that’s not just for me.

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